Monday, December 7, 2009

Tiger jokes

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide
between the wood or the iron.

We heard that Tiger's wife has been interested in taking up golf. However,
2:30am does sound a bit of an odd time to start hitting your Woods.

Ping just offered Elin Nordegren an endorsement contract pushing her own set
of drivers. They are marketing them as "clubs you can beat Tiger with."

News travels fast. The Chinese are already making a movie about Tiger Woods'
crash.. They are calling it, "Scratching Swede, Lying Tiger."

EA Sports has announced the recall of Tiger Woods 2010 so a new bonus level
can be added called "Tiger VS The Driveway". A collector's edition will be
sold with a free Wii steering wheel.

What does Tiger Woods have in common with baby seals? They're both clubbed
by Scandinavians.

If you made it to work this morning, you have earned the right to say "I can
out drive Tiger Woods."

It has just been reported that Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife, Elin,
to pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.

The police asked Elin how many times she hit him. She replied, "I don't know
exactly, but put me down for a 5."

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a
hole in one.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a golf
ball 400 yards.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They
were clubbing.

Tige a sex addict

Girls linked to Woods are (foreground from left) Kalika Moquin, Jamie Jungers and Cory Rist. In the background (from left) are Mindy Lawton, Rachel Uchitel and Jaimee Grubbs.

LONDON - A leading health expert believes Tiger Woods is a sex addict who needs immediate help.
David Smallwood, addictions manager at London's Priory clinic, believes the exposure of the golfer's affairs hint at his uncontrolled craving for sex.


"He displays a number of the pointers such as seeking highs from outdoor sex and having many mistresses," the News of the World quoted him as saying.
However, the expert who has provided service to a number of celebrities wishes to help Woods.
He said: "I would implore him to get help. But I see him as ill, not bad.
"All of the things Woods is alleged to have done point to him having a sex addiction.
"Outdoor sex is a way of creating excitement and going higher and higher.


"If you were snorting cocaine you would start off doing one line and end up doing five grams. The more sex he has the more he will want and the more outlandish he will try to make it.
"While he's been at the top of the golfing world, my guess is he wasn't having affairs.
"He then had a bad spell, some injuries and lost some tournaments.
"He won't be getting out of the sport what he used to and perhaps he is looking for something more extreme. Maybe he is looking for another outlet for his excitement."


Lending credence to Smallwood's theory was a US Weekly report that reportedly claimed Woods sexted to one of his alleged mistresses that he had a fascination with having a threeway with her and some big name male sports and TV figures.
The magazine said Rachel Uchitel had forwarded an intimate message to friends in which Tiger said he dreamt of having some sort of orgy with Uchitel, NY Yankees Captain Derek Jeter, actor David Boreanaz and Ryan Seacrest.
The list of women Woods has been accused of having affairs could reached a dozen soon ever since his private life was exposed by his car crash accident outside his Orlando home on Nov 27.


Woods' frequent trips to Las Vegas did not go unnoticed. Several prominent Las Vegas nightclub managers said there were more women who have yet to come out of the woodwork.
“He wasn’t one to send away someone who was interested. There was a revolving door of women with Tiger,” said one. “I can think of half a dozen off the top of my head. But if you want his business - and you do - you make sure it’s kept as discreet as possible.”


One mistress said of Woods: "His big problem is, ironically, insecurity . From the age of four or five, he was destined to be a golfing legend but no one told him how to be a man. He married the dream girl, had the perfect family, but couldn't feel satisfied with that."
According to Radar Online, Woods had decided to pay between US$1mil and US$3mil (between RM3.5mil and RM11mil) to secure the silence of Uchitel, the first woman to be linked to the golfer since his nocturnal accident. Uchitel had earlier strongly denied any affair with Woods.
Apart from Uchitel, women who have been linked to the world No 1 golfer were Jamie Jungers, Cory Rist, Jamiee Grubbs, Kalika Moquin and Mindy Lawton. Lawton was said to be the golfer's first mistress.
A British TV presenter and a porn star could be next on the list of revelation.
Apparently, Woods has also agreed to pay off his wife Elin Nordegren and alter their original prenuptial agreement to ensure her more money to stay in the marriage. Under the deal, believed to be US$80mil (RM280mil), Nordegren would not tell her story should she and Woods divorce.

Pakistan edge Canada 2-1

FIH / Matias Aguirre

Sunday 6 December
12:05 PAK : CAN 2:1 (2:0)
14:05 BEL : CHN 4:3 (1:1)
16:05 NZL : IND 2:2 (0:1)
18:05 ARG : RSA 6:2 (4:1)

At the BDO Champions Challenge in Salta, Argentina impressed the crowd with a decisive 6-2 win over South Africa, Pakistan edged Canada by a lone goal (2-1), the young Belgium team showed character to beat China (4-3), and India and New Zealand split points after an entertaining match (2-2).

Game 1 – Pakistan v. Canada: 2-1 (half-time: 2-0)

The 2009 Champions Challenge opened under stormy skies in a venue diligently prepared by the Salta Hockey Association. Pakistan and Canada were first in action, with Pakistan immediately threatening and earning a free hit just outside the circle to create danger in front of Dave CARTER in the Canadian goal. A few minutes later, Rehan BUTT penetrated the Canadian circle but was prevented to shoot on goal by Scott SANDISON, coolly clearing the ball in both occasions.

Selangor League knock-out stage

The Selangor Hockey League 2009 had reached its knockout stage. The league matches were completed on Decemebr 6th with UiTM emerging as Division 1 Champion as Selangor Polis gave them a walk over.
The Quarter Finalist are from Division 1 Champions - UiTM, Runnersup - RAMD, 3rd - KDJLJ, 4th - OLAK, 5th - Projek 11-A.
From Division 2 Champions - RAMD Jnr, Runnerup - SIA, 3rd - SMKPP.
The Quarterfinals will be played on Dec 8 and 9.
Challange Trophies were sponsored by the President of Selangor Hockey Association Dato’ Hj Salamon Bin Selamat.
Specials Awards, Medals for Top 4 Teams Overall, Division 1 & Champions & Runner-up were sponsored by Milo.
Milo also were gracious enough to sponsor the Match Officials Attire.